THE OLD ONES ARE THE BEST

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THE OLD ONES ARE THE BEST



“Have you heard the one about…?”

“Sit down. You schlep.” It came from a monstrous brute seated at the bar.

“OK. How about … An oyster, and a lobster, and a goldfish go into a bar …”

The comedian quickly ducks as a napkin filled with goodness knows what approaches his face.

“Not that one either. I’m not from around these parts. The first time I was driving through …” This one was drowned by raucous boos and horrid hisses.

“No biographical jokes either.” The comedian boldly stepped closer to the microphone. “Knock, knock…”

The audience was instantly quiet.



Written for THE CARROT RANCH CHALLENGE: December 19, 2019, prompt: In 99 words (no more, no less), write a story that features an open mic night. Take a character backstage, on stage or into the deep woods. Go where the prompt leads!

“OH, THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE…”

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“OH, THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE…”



“Oh, there’s no place like …” carolers were approaching my door.

I’d gotten a call from my elderly neighbor just seconds ago. “They’re all over.” She whispered. “All over the street.” She was frantic. Should she call 911… she thought she should… but she was sure the police wouldn’t believe her.

Before I could decide how I could be of assistance, there was a knocking on my door.

Parting the curtains, I peeped.

Gnomes… and gnomes… and gnomes. As far as the eye could see.

“… For the holidays you can’t beat gnome sweet gnome!”

And then they left.



Written for THE CARROT RANCH 99- WORD CHALLENGE: 12-12-19.

Requirements: In 99 words (no more, no less), write a story about a gnome. It can be a garden gnome, a Christmas Joulutonttu, or a sauna protector. You can write magical realism, or feature contemporary gnome-like product.  Go where the prompt leads!

 

CUT AND RUN

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PHOTO PROMPT © Mikhael Sublett


CUT AND RUN

A note … on the pillow.

That was how Marcelle was ending it.

   We both knew this had to end. I thought it was better this way.

                I’ll always have tender memories of our time together.

I’ll show you tender memories…

Crumpling the note, Mia picked up the nearest lamp and began making new memories.

The mirror was the morning’s first victim … then on to Marcelle’s horrific paintings. And then his ghastly sculptures!



Written for FRIDAY FICTIONEERS: DECEMBER 13, 2019. 

BREAKING NEWS FROM THE TATTLER

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PHOTO PROMPT © Dale Rogerson

Behind the shrubs, Aggie and I waited; night-vision goggles and accompanying camera paraphernalia in hand.

We’d heard the rumors … glowing beings appeared once darkness arrived to play what seemed to be a hybrid of American football and classic soccer.

No one personally admitted to having actually witnessed this.

But there was proof, of sorts.

The crystal ball midfield… the Y-shaped goalswere not authorized. One morning, they were just there.”… our local tabloid quoted Headmaster Marshall Eraticas.

Tonight, The Tattler, our school paper, would break this story.

The truth would come out.

All we had to do was wait.



Written for Friday Fictioneers: October 4, 2019.

Grin and Bear It

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Grin and Bear It



‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through my house … all seven grandchildren were racing up and down my back stairs like little rats.

The tree was up (I keep it up year round. Yes, I’m one of those…) and the lights were blinking.

This year, each family member was to bring a small bear.

We sipped warn cider with toffee cookies as we each told our story and placed our treasure upon the tree. Collectibles… Grizzlies… Polar…and Teddies.

Emma Sue, the youngest, always wanted to go last.

“Two-for-one, Grandma,” as she hung a beautiful koala and child.



Written for THE CARROT RANCH FLASH FICTION CHALLENGE. July 11, 2019, prompt: “My kingdom for a koala!” In 99 words (no more, no less) write a story about a koala in a kingdom. You can create a character out of Norah’s koala and give it a Vermont adventure. Or you can make up a story however you want! Can you pull off a BOTS (based on a true story)? Go where the prompt leads!

NO MERE PROLETARIAT REVOLUTIONARY

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Photo Credit Courtesy of Padre of Padre’s Ramblings


NO MERE PROLETARIAT REVOLUTIONARY



“Yes, Geffrey, this is a lovely bistro. Their cassoulet was superb. But again, why are we here?

“Such a Silly Sally. Look around.”

“Um… There are hundreds of classic wickered-wine bottles. Folonari bottles, I think.  Again, why are we here?”

“To prove we are not animals. An assault perpetuated with mere Budweiser bottles just will not do for our cause. We will offer them cocktails … Folonari Molotov cocktails. After all, we are the ruling class.” Geffrey continued, “When the police investigate our riveting statement in the fight, researching these glass shards will prove we are not mere proletariat revolutionaries.”



Written for SUNDAY PHOTO FICTION: JUNE 23, 2019. 

THE ANNUAL EXTRAVAGANZA

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THE ANNUAL EXTRAVAGANZA



“Dwight, many of the strawberries are ready. Take the basket and pick the ripest; I’ve a mind for a shortcake trifle for the picnic.”

Strawberry trifle was his favorite. Dwight was out like lightening and soon returned with the finest strawberries mouths could desire.

The guests arrived; ravenous men with their genteel lassies. Dinner completed, they went out back for their annual Horseshoe Extravaganza.

“Don’t worry ladies. The icebox is ours.”

Upon its opening, the upper shelf was lined with iced strawberry mint smashes. We adjourned to the Adirondack chairs out back to enjoy the swearin’ and the fuedin’.



Written for THE CARROT RANCH CHALLENGE: May 30, 2019. Prompt: In 99 words (no more, no less) write a story that includes strawberries and mint. The combination evokes color contrast, scents, and taste. Where will the combination take you? Go where the prompt leads!