“You’re right. It’s not your classic mug shot.” Lieutenant Grady sat holding a copy of the arrest report. “He wasn’t a mere small-time criminal either. His rap sheet is now sixty-two pages and it’s growing. Seems he’s been at this for more than seven years.”
Officer Mitcham sat across from him and placed two coffees: his- two creams and three sugars, and the Lieutenant’s — black, no sugar. “I heard he was apprehended at the local Holiday INN at the CORNER of BROWN Terrace and Vine STREET.”
“That’s right,” Lieutenant Grady continued to summarize the report. “He was found ALONE. Gave no resistance. Seems to be no accomplices. He was a bit RED-NOSED. Far-away look in his eye. But very compliant. Night before last, the STORY goes, we got intel on the suspect from an anonymous caller.”
Officer Mitcham sat more upright. “That’s unusual for it to have been an anonymous call. We’ve had that huge reward out for him ever since he STOLE that crystal WHITE Lamborghini from Arthur and BABES McPhee.”
“Yes, she was to DIE for.”
“You talking the car or the wife.”
“The car, stupid. But she wasn’t too BAD either. Now get your mind outta-the-gutter.”
“My mind…” Officer Mitcham chuckled. “What else does it say?”
“Says during the call you could hear a Christmas CAROL being sung in the background.”
“What song was it?”
“What difference does that make?”
“I was just wanting to know how detailed these investigative reports actually are.”
“You rookie. You’ve never actually written up an arrest report. We’ll put an end to take after VACATION.”
Officer Mitcham moaned, “Shoulda kept my mouth shut.”
“Well, I’m glad we caught him when we did.” Lieutenant Grady didn’t force Mitcham to suffer long. “You know the Captain had stopped granting us leave for our vacations until we did — or until the newsprint died down AFTER Christmas. And that was not likely to happen. I’ve had this vacation planned with Delores for the last two years. We’re on the EXPRESS flight to New Delhi, India, tomorrow night. If I had to pull out of that flight because of a bad Santa, I think she would divorce me. We’re going to MEET her family there for a reunion. She hasn’t seen them in five years- except for SkyChatting. ”
“Are they flying as well?” The officers had often talked of evening plans, which would have included their wives, but they had never gone to discussing extended families. Just no need.
“No, they’re in Hong Kong right now. Even though Delores’s dad is one of the big-wigs with Cybor-Jet, he’s still reluctant to fly any more than he has to. That’s why they are permanently living over there. They’re taking the train to New Delhi instead of a PLANE. Even short flights he avoids. I know I’m not looking forward to this trip, even when it’s nonstop. Fifteen hours in a seat is a killer.”
“Two Ambien, that’s why they were INVENTED. You’ll be out BEFORE you know it.”
“Maybe. You have any great plans for the holidays?”
“Yes, I do.” Officer Mitcham grimaced as he said the words. “I’m going to have a WONDERFUL time explaining to my five-year-old son why Santa’s been arrested.”
“At least we didn’t have to shoot him.”
